pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize