yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
