What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
