Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
