does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
