im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
