i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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