so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize