I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
