I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
