gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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