Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
