Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
