is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who died my cat blue again?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
