just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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