Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
