It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
