Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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