Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
