Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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