Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
