But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
