Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
