I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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