apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
