dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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