Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
