life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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