haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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