used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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