the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
