omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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