real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
