Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
