im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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