I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
