Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Shame is for Republicans.
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