hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
