I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize