my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
