I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
