You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I look better un-naked...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
