Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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