I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
