i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
