I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
