Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
