Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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