I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I believe in your delicious
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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