My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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