I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize