i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
