I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Randomize
