there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
