can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
