the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
