Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
