did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
