if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When are your genitals available?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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