Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
