one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just threw up on my dentist
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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