Your face is a jimmy john
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
