miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
