I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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