birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
