In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
