my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
