We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
