Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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