i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
