is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
