wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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